Bottom Like a Pelau – a Rebuke to Vogue

Oh gawsh gyul, yuh like a good pelau! All de meat in de bottom!
Thus spake a Trini man ‎to a colleague of mine during her law school days in the twin island republic, in one of the most hilarious and creative lines I’ve ever heard.
His comment is the perfect rebuke to the load of nonsense which appeared on Vogue.com earlier this week on the topic of posteriors. Penned by one Patricia Garcia, the article declared that we are “officially” in the era of big booties and went on to thank Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian and Iggy Azalea among others for bringing bamsy into fashion.
Oh and Miley Cyrus. O_o
Officially huh? Thanks for letting us know...

Officially huh? Thanks for letting us know…

Black Twitter dragged her for life with the withering hash tag #VogueArticles which hilariously mocked the clueless contention that something was now officially in style because some famous white women have them.
So we don’t need to address that part. All now her scalp must be feeling sore because they snatched her bald-headed!
The part we really take issue with over here on Islandista is Garcia’s blithely asserting that:
“For years it was exactly the opposite; a large butt was not something one aspired to, rather something one tried to tame in countless exercise classes. Even in fashion, that daring creative space where nothing is ever off limits, the booty has traditionally been shunned.”
*record screech*
What?
It is one thing to act as if something is now stylish because you have just noticed it. It is quite another to go to the other extreme and assert that it was something shunned before.
Speak fuh yuh self darling because over here in the Caribbean not only have we never shunned bamsy, but we embrace it.
Shoot, we idolise it.
We venerate it.
We love bamsy so much that we sing songs in its praise.

Lots of songs.

Lots and lots and nuff songs.

And it’s not just a black thing. White West Indians love bamsy too – long time Bajan colum‎nist Richard Hoad has raved about prodigious posteriors, particularly that of of soca queen Alison Hinds, too many times to count.
‎In fact, some of the Caribbean’s most celebrated beauties have confessed that truly, they have longed for more bamsy, not less.
I was very tall and lanky and I wasn’t really feeling myself when I was growing up at all. Especially because, coming from a Caribbean background, curves are celebrated and me being really tall and skinny wouldn’t [be]. – Jourdan Dunn to Vogue in 2013
 “I miss my ass. It just went away! I need a butt. I have an idea of one, but it’s not living up to its full potential right now.” – Rihanna to Harper’s Bazaar in 2012.
‎In fact, quite contrary to what Ms. Garcia suggested, we have never exercised with the intention of erasing or minimising our bamsy. That is considered a terrible side effect if it does happen and any big -bottomed woman who has jogged along a Caribbean street had been warned of thus by any number of road side sages who will implore “Mek sure yuh don’t lose dat botsy, hear?
In fact, so consumed are we by bamsy in the Caribbean that years back there was a (fairly dangerous) trend ‎of women taking “fowl pills” in the hopes of increasing their batty size. Just to be clear, fowl pills were the supplements given to chickens to fatten them up for the market.
Ye, it was that serious.
So we don’t know what you’re talking about Ms. Garcia. All that drivel about not wanting a big botsy is crazy talk as far as we’re concerned.

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