Really graphic and honestly… just sad details are coming out today from Rihanna’s extensive interview on ABC with Diane Sawyer, which has ABC has been leaking in bits and pieces over the last two days.
She told Sawyer:
“It wasn’t the same person that says I love you. It was not those… eyes. He had … no soul in his eyes. Just blank. …He was clearly blacked out. There was no person when I looked at him.”
“All I kept thinking all the time: When is it going to stop? When it is going to stop?”
She also shot down the loose talk that it was anything like a fight in the Lamborghini that night – it was a beatdown.
“I fended him off with my feet from one … side of the car, but … it was not like, it was not like a fight with each other. I just … I really just wanted it to stop,” she said.
What we find really compelling and tragic are her comments on how their relationship became and why she went back to him. It’s that first love tabanca…
“To fall in love with your best friend it … can be scary because the … the emotions get really, they get the best of you. Like it takes over. The more in love we became, the more dangerous we became for each other, equally as dangerous.”
She said that in the aftermath of the incident, her celebrity (notoriety?) meant that she was cut off and lonely and that was when thoughts started to creep in that she needed to ‘protect’ Brown.
“You start lying to yourself. … This is a memory you don’t want to have ever again. … the physical wounds go away, you put it in the back of your head and you start lying to yourself subconsciously. “I felt very lonely. …I couldn’t even go back to my own house because there were 200 people outside with cameras, paparazzi, journalists, fans, neighbors.”
“This is why I made my decision. …I felt really lonely. …There were times when I cried. There were times when I just sat there all day and watched TV.
If I feel this depressed, then what is he going through? I had to protect him. I thought that I had to let him know, don’t do anything crazy. Like just hang in there…The whole world hates him now. His fans, his career. He just, he lost me, I just need to let him know; don’t do anything stupid …I’m not saying that’s an excuse for me to go back, but this is what I was thinking about.”
She also revealed that even when they got back together, she tried to spare his feelings.
“I just said to him, ‘I can’t do this.’ I resented him. I resented him so much. And I always put the tough face on and try to, I can do anything face, and just try to play it off. But he knew. He knew it. He kept asking me, ‘You hate me, don’t you? You hate me. And I would lie and I would say, ‘No, no. And … I did hate him. … Everything about him annoyed me. So finally … I just said, we can’t … we can’t do this. I cannot continue to do this.”
Which makes perfect sense … in the dysfunctional world of abusive relationships and is what we said the other day when we commented on her Glamour mag interview. As upside down and backward as it seems, often the abuser ends up seeming like the vulnerable one because they are often so torn up with remorse and self-loathing after the incident, that they seem like the weaker one, the one who needs to be comforted and held up.
Shoot, even we feel sorry for Chris reading the excerpts from his interview with MTV’s Sway.
‘Why did it happen?’ Like, ‘What was I thinking? What is wrong with you?’ That’s what I’m thinking with myself,” he told Sway.
It gets you even more when you read about how panic-stricken he was leading up to his highly anticipated and then widely panned interview with Larry King.
“I was so nervous. I was super nervous. I didn’t know what to think [going in]. ‘Man, I’m going to get on here, and they’re going to chew me up and everybody is just going to go in on me.’ So I was more scared than anything.
“[There's] really not too much preparing you can do. I did a lot of media training and a lot of stuff like that, and it kind of wasn’t genuine to me. Everything I was saying was from my heart, but it was kind of controlled. ‘Well, don’t say it like this, because it will look like that.’ “
Poor kids. This is just not a straightforward situation, though many stans on both sides would like it to be. I will never condone what Chris did and I will always defend my islandistas but I do feel bad for both of them.
First love… it ent nothing easy. I don’t know anyone that let go of their first love easily. Because you have never loved like that before, you think you are never going to love like that again. So you hold on even when you shouldn’t.
Moreover, to go through your first love and the breakdown of your first love in public has to be incredibly difficult, particularly (and we think this is key) when neither of them came from particularly stable family backgrounds. Chris’ mother was abused and Rihanna’s father was on drugs. You put together the children of two such dysfunctional upbringings together with little adult supervision, in front of the whole world and with lots of money… and it’s their first love and they ent really know how this true love thing does work?